No Regrets

I need a place to vent about how I am feeling inside. I opened my heart up and let someone in. I have no regrets about doing so. He had treated me like a princess - better than any man ever has. We met on facebook and we had a lovely trip to Las Vegas while he was on leave from deployment in Afghanistan. We went on our trip in April.

We had mad chemistry! We just clicked. Never felt nervous around him at all. He was a great lover - kissed me so wonderfully.

Once he got back to Afghanistan, we continued to talk on Skype and facebook. We both played Mafia Wars - which is how we met - the only slight issue we had was that I did not like all of the sluts and whores he had added as friends - basically Lee just added anyone who sent him a friend request. I believe him about that but it still irritated me.

He always seemed to be a straight shooter - never really sugar-coated anything.

All I know is on a Friday, he and I had our video chat on Skype. He feel asleep before our call ended. Then on that next Monday - he got rid of his facebook accounts without even a note. That Tuesday morning I got a message in Skype telling me that he had gotten sick of facebook and he still had me in Yahoo and Skype. Did not hear from him until Friday when I had rang his Skype account - got a message back from him saying - hi cant talk right now everything cool been real busy will get back with your later bye. Well I have not heard from him since.

So I am left frustrated and confused. I do not know what the fuck happened.

I sent him a care package and when I had last spoken to him he had not gotten it yet - well I am sure he has gotten it. Most of what was in the box he knew he was getting - a blanket I made him, some cables for his computer he asked for, a pack of mini-snickers, a small photo book of pics from our trip to Vegas, and a black lace thong :) The note in the box said nothing that I had not said to him prior or written.

I have a feeling that what was in the box dug up emotions within him that he would assume not happen while he was trying to focus on his job. I think that the fact that he had something from me that I made and had slept with and he could probably smell me on still.

I slept with the blanket because he said that he would rather have me to snuggle with - I told him I would sleep with it so he could snuggle with the blanket and it would be like snuggling with me.

Lee suffered a head injury back in March. He got hit with something inside of their truck after an IED was detonated underneath their truck. He has had horrible headaches since then. The Army just keeps giving him more medicine to help with his head. I think that all is really screwing with him. I also know that they changed his duties - he was the Sergeant over like 13 guys in a Sapper unit. After the headaches they decided to keep him inside the wire and gave him something else to do. I think all of that has contributed to where he went.

He used to sleep only a few hours a night and last I knew he was taking naps left and right. The medicine just took the life outta him.

I am left wondering what happened. It has been 4 weeks since I have heard from him at all.

I think I will hear from him again but right now it all hurts so much all of the not knowing - I feel like I need to distance myself emotionally. I am just so sick of tearing up and crying.