I have been trying to figure out tonight why I have been feeling for lack of a better word - twisty. Just kinda unsure of how I am feeling and why.
I called my Mom and asked her what day Grandma died. She said the 16th. I go - oh that is today.
The picture is of my Mom - Karen and of my Grandma - Gail. It was taken at a Pizza Hut not to far from the facility my Grandma was in. The good thing is that my aunt Nancy was the controller at the nursing home so she was able to check on Grandma everyday. My grandma had dementia - she was in part of the facility called - Golden Meadows - or some such shit of a name. My grandma basically referred to it as prison. They had to put her there after it just became too hard for all of the sisters to care for her. She was better off in a sense being where there were trained people 24/7 to be there for her.
I lived in Cuyahoga Falls, OH at the time - about 4 hours away but I did try to get there as often as possible to see her. Not easy but I loved her so dearly that I wanted to be with her. On her last day, I was not sure if I could get there in time so I stayed home and prayed. It was kind of interesting because I had decided to reupholster a chair - never had done one before - but I had seen my grandma and my aunt Delores do it a bunch of times. In a way, I was doing what I had learned from my grandma - I did it to be close to her.
The morning after she passed - I sat in a big ugly Lazy Boy recliner - that had been my Grandpa's - I got it when Grandma was moved to Michigan from Florida and no one wanted it - I said I will take it. There is actually more to it than this but I am not going to go into that at this point.
I sat in that big orange reupholstered recliner and thought about my Grandma and my Grandpa. I started to write my feelings down. I was later allowed to read it at her memorial service. I was the only one to get up and say anything besides the pastor. I had everyone balling. I looked up at one point while reading and locked eyes with my cousin Terry and almost lost it myself.
I was later told that it helped people remember stuff - like the aluminum glasses we would drink out of at her house or the bottles of colored water in her windows of the kitchen at her house on Willow Way in Michigan.
My sewing business is a tribute to her - I really started to sew a lot more after she passed. I was trying to feel closer to her and that is how I did it - my Grandma was always sewing - she had an alterations business for many years out of her house in Barefoot Bay FL.
I was so lucky to have been her granddaughter. I was lucky to have a grandma that was loving and kind, funny, honest, caring, did not pass judgment, loved us for who we were as individuals, affectionate, was just great to hang out with.
Love you Grandma so very much. I still tear up - just as I am now - I miss you so bad. Thank you for being so wonderful!!! I know you are now in Heaven with Grandpa and Bobby - and everyone else we have loved. Keep watch over us - I hope we all still make you smile :)
